My Identical Twin’s Passing
It has been quite a summer for me. When Mark Dodich advised me that this summer would be very emotional, back on New Year’s Day, with his annual astrology reading, I never dreamed of the outcome. (Of course not; most of us never do.)
On June 19th, 2013, my identical twin sister, Chris, checked into Johns Hopkins Hospital for cancer surgery; the Whipple method for pancreatic cancer. After weeks of great pain and suffering, she passed on July 18th. Her husband, David, was at her side every day. They had a very strong love that began when we were just 17, and they met at Palisades Amusement Park in New Jersey. Although they did not marry until after both of them were in their 50’s, the love connection between them was always strong. Five days after Chris, David passed as well, from natural causes. Although very shocking, this was a blessing, as David had severe dementia and would be absolutely lost without his wife, my twin.
I want to share with you two spiritual experiences I had during this time. My twin and I were trying to re-establish a relationship that had been estranged twenty years before. I had an inner knowing that I needed to be at the hospital before June 26th, for whatever reason. I drove to Baltimore on June 25th, to spend the week taking care of David , and sharing time with my sister.
When I arrived at her bedside that afternoon, she was in intensive care, something happened inside of me. I simply knew that I could not leave her. I arranged to spend the night at my sister’s side, not knowing what lay ahead of me, but completely trusting my “gut instinct messages” and the comfort of Spirit.
Just after midnight my sister went into a bit of distress. I’ll admit that I did fear her demise, way before she chose to undergo this surgery. (In her age bracket, there is only a 20% survival rate.) I reached for her hand, forgetting that her wrists were tied to the bed for protection. I wanted to hold her hand, and in order to compensate, entwined our pinkies, as we had done in our infancy.
Suddenly Chris spoke to me telepathically, clear and distinct. “Oh Beth, we used to do this as kids.” She was smiling and her etheric essence was full of Light. All concerns, worries, and judgment was swept away. There was nothing present except our “Twin Souls,” floating around the intensive care room at Johns Hopkins. The personalities were gone and we were together in the Oneness of unconditional Love.
I sensed a deep opening in my Solar Plexus and I knew a spiritual healing was taking place. I was blanketed with a sense of gratitude and Divine bliss. It was then that I thanked her for coming in and choosing to be my twin in this lifetime. I honored her pain, confusion, and turmoil, and realized that had been a part of my younger years as well. We had just both processed our experiences differently. I realized that I was the person I am today because she had chosen to be my twin sister. The joy, freedom, laughter, and bliss was incredible. I never wanted it to end!
I snuggled closer to her and then the complete Peace came. The message received was, “It is done.” All necessary forgiveness had been completed and I knew then that she would soon pass.
In the morning I went back to the condo Johns Hopkins provided the families, to freshen up, check on David, and bring him over to her bedside, where he spent the day. Finding again that I could not leave her side, I spent another night with Chris at Johns Hopkins, in the feeling of Oneness.
It was suddenly Friday, and I had been in the intensive care unit since Tuesday. I called the shuttle to go back to the condo, and during the ride “felt” the personalities return, and began to cry. The “floating” feeling disappeared and I was back in the present moment. I would miss that wonderful space we had so tenderly shared How could I ever know what was next?
On Sunday, driving back to my home in Chalfont, PA, I reflected on my time with Chris that morning. She had told me that she wanted to die and asked me to untie her hands so she could pull the plugs and tubes out of her body. Distressed, I quickly called the nurse, and we decided to have the Chaplin come to visit. By this time, David had returned to the room, and we chose the 100th Psalm to be read out loud-you know, the one about Love. David and I both held a pinky, one on each side of the bed, as the Psalm was read. After about a half-hour she seemed to calm down. It was time to drive back to Pennsylvania, and as I hugged David good-bye he sobbed a bit and said he wished I didn’t have to leave.
Then I turned back to Chris for a minute. I pulled out a photo of Amma, the hugging Saint, and told my twin to “go inside” an work the problem out with Amma. This had to be Chris’ decision and no one could help her with it.
Amma was coming to Alexandria, VA the next weekend, and I was looking forward to spending some time with her. I knew that I would also stop back at Johns Hopkins to see Chris again.
While with Amma, I had more that an hour of private instruction with Pujthia, who conducted the Radiance Healing sessions, and is deeply respected. She told me my sister was in the process of passing and that I needed to pray for her Soul. This was one of the most sacred and blessed times I have experienced.
Although I had stopped at Johns Hopkins on my way to Virginia for a few minutes, I was compelled to stop by for another visit. This was the last day I saw my sister. I stopped by the condo to see if David could go with me, but there was no answer at the door or by phone. Now I realize that this visit had to be personal and private. It was definitely a Divine set-up.
They had removed the breathing tube from my sister and she could talk a bit, although sometimes it was in a whisper. She was anxious to call Susan, the daughter of her close friend, Jo, who had recently passed. I took out my IPhone and we dialed the number. She spoke with Susan for almost ten minutes. She seemed clear headed, although a bit unstable, and had a beautiful conversation with someone whom she respected and cared about. She was so very happy at the end of that call.
I brought my sister a small photo of Amma in a plastic stand, so she could have it in the room with her. I showed her how to “talk a prayer” to the photo, and she practiced a bit. I explained that she could also “think” any message or prayer, and know that Amma would hear it.
Suddenly Chris told me she felt very tired and needed to sleep. I prepared to leave. Although I was pleased with her progress, my gut didn’t trust the rally. As I was walking out of the room, I heard her say, “I love you, Beth.” In tears, I turned around, went over to her side, looked straight into her eyes, and said, “I love you, too.” That statement came up out of me somewhere from my toes. It was sincere, and very different from other times. Leaning over, I kissed her on the forehead, and left.
That was on July 9th, and although she didn’t pass until the 18th, it was the last time I saw my sister alive.
Amma moved on to New York City on July 11th. I have been with Amma for more than 25 years, and helped to set up the first Welcome and Information table at the New York City events. I left that assignment on the anniversary of my 25th year, moving on to give assistance to “special needs,” and work with Pujthia at the Radiance Healing table. This year, New York had other plans for me.
While working at the Radiance Healing table, my favorite swami, Ramakrishnananda, came to me. He asked me if my sister was dying? I nodded yes, and he advised me to go sit on the stage with Mother. He said I needed to pray for her Soul, because she was in Darkness, and needed to go to Amma.
Oh my! This was serious. I immediately went up to the stage and remained there the entire day! This is unheard of around Amma, but by Her grace, it was permitted at this time. I sat there for more that six hours, watching as Amma hugged hundreds of people, one at a time. I saw the faces of pain turn into tears of relief and peace. Many of my friends joined me from time to time, and we visualized my sister reaching for Amma’s arms, as her Soul prepared to Ascend into the Light.
It is said that Mother’s hugs lifts karma and helps life situations that are askew and messed up, turn around and right themselves again. Another belief is that one hug from Amma lifts you from Darkness into the Light.
Mata Amritanandamayi is known throughout the world as Amma, or Mother, for her selfless love and compassion toward all beings. Her entire life has been dedicated to alleviating the pain of the poor, and those suffering physically and emotionally.
I have property in Mahwah, NJ, which is just outside of New York City, where I stayed for the New York City part of Her tour. My close friend, Danuta, drove me into the city that day, and we left the hall at the Javits Center just before midnight, to pick up our car and return to my condo.
On Friday morning, I found that I was too exhausted to return to the city. I spent the day in quiet prayer, resting and meditating. Saturday, July 13th, was Divi Bhava, the time when Mother goes into full power for Her “children.” Danuta offered to drive me into New York city again because she was concerned about my physical ability to do so. Two of my close friends from Bucks County, PA, where I now live, came up on the train as well. Again I was asked to sit on the stage with Amma during the afternoon program. I spent another six hours there, visualizing my sister’s Ascension.
That evening, after the Puja, I prepared to get on the darshan line for my hug. First, I went in for a Radiance Healing with Pujthia, to free up any and all past negative energies that I may be subconsciously holding on to.
When I reached Mother’s feet, I had but one desire. I asked Mother to please take my sister into the Light if it was her time. Amma’s face became filled with fear and pain – for a moment. She shrugged Her shoulders, and then, miraculously, broke into the most beautiful smile, filled with Light. I closed my eyes as She hugged me, and “saw” my sister being lifted up into the brightest, most blinding triangle of Light; Mother Mary was on on her left side and the Christ was on her right side. Then Mother smiled, held me back, looked into my eyes, and tapped my Third Eye, twice! Suddenly she handed me an apple. July 13th was my father’s birthday, and Chris adored him. I knew her Soul had left the body and the rest was only a matter of time.
Astonished, I did not know what to say. At that moment I thought the double tap on my forehead had been for me and my twin. Little did I know that it was for her husband David, who died quietly in his home in Delaware, four days after my sister had passed.
The next morning I received a phone call from June Smith, my sister’s friend, caretaker, and Power of Attorney. She told me that I had to get down to Baltimore immediately because some decisions had to be made. My sister was passing and I had to “get there, !@#$%^&* it!”
I tried to explain to June that I knew that, and to just let her go. She needed to be allowed to go without any machinery to hold her back, as stated in her legal declaration. I suggested they remove the breathing device and let her pass. Well, I was called every name in the book, including a “piece of s–t sister,” followed by very cruel statements and threats. This woman had no clue about what had just happened, and would not allow me to tell her.
Feeling guilty, I went within and asked Spirit to advise me as to what I should do. After a bit, I went out to my car, and the battery was dead. I was going nowhere, and spent the day getting it repaired. Somehow, I felt I could not go to a place where I was being sworn at, screamed at, and abused. Besides, I had witnessed my sister’s beautiful and glorious Ascension the night before.
I had intended to drive back to PA on Tuesday, but could not do so. I was so disoriented, dizzy, and spinning that I did not dare drive. I called my husband ant told him I would come back in the morning and go to Baltimore on Thursday, if need be. Then again, I meditated and slept. The energy with Amma had been so very powerful.
I drove back home on Wednesday, July 17th, arriving late in the day. I told Don I would get up early and drive to Baltimore in the morning. At 4:00 am the phone rang. It was Chris’ doctor, telling me that she had just passed away. Breathing a sigh of relief, I reached for the phone to call Elizabeth, David’s daughter, who lived in Connecticut. Four days later, in the late afternoon, the day before my sister’s funeral, Elizabeth called me back to tell me they found her Dad’s body at the house, and he had passed away from an aneurism of the heart. David died of a broken heart, joining his wife and Soulmate on the other side.
Yes, I was shocked! More about the feeling of a Lotus flower opening at my heart center, than the news about David’s departure. Because of my training, I knew David’s passing had been a matter of choice. I was feeling grace, happiness, and a jumping for joy sensation, once it all sunk it. A song ran through my body for several hours afterward, “Ho-Ho-Ho who’s got the last laugh now?”
That night, as I slept, I “saw” Chris and David in the heavenly Ethers. His head was on her shoulder, and they both were in a revere of Bliss and Oneness.
Beloved’s, Soulmates, many say “That’s hogwash.” Well — I ask you — Is it?”
FOR CHRIS AND DAVID
When I needed a shoulder to lean on
When I needed an ear to listen
It was you I could turn to
It was you who would help me
Hold me and
I could find myself again.
After all the years we shared
I find a deep peacefulness
Knowing, believing it’s still love,
You’re still the one,
You’ll always be the one.
Now we’re together
On the other side
Put your head on my shoulder
As we eternally abide.